Step 6: Dress in a gorilla suit and
hold a sign that says, “Jesus loves
you.” Go to the store. These are the
looks you will most likely get if you
become a nun who wears a habit.
Can you handle it?
Step 7: Visit convents and get to
know the sisters. Bring a checklist
that includes vital questions like: “Am
I able to pick an awesome My Little
Pony-sounding name when I make
vows? Has Sister Twilight Sparkle of
the Guardian Angel been taken?”
Step 8: If Sister Twilight Sparkle of
the Guardian Angel has not been
taken, take that as a sign from God
that he is calling you to be espoused
to him. Or pick straws with your
friends. Or pray some more in that
cave. Your call.
Step 9: Tell all your friends that you
are dying your hair purple, marrying a sea lion, and sailing around the
world in a teacup. Then tell them
you are kidding and that you are
actually entering the convent. Their
reactions will most likely be similar.
Step 10: After joining the convent,
fall apart several times, question
your sanity, and basically wonder if
everyone else knew this was a crazy
idea but you. Then ask God if he
really thinks this is a good idea. Over
and over. Question whether you
are actually talking to God or if this
whole thing is the product of your
Enter #055 at VocationMatch.com
SERVANTS OF THE HOLY HEART OF MARY
FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT:
DELAPLACE PRAYER MINISTRY
After joining the
convent, fall apart several
times, question your
sanity, and wonder if
everyone else knew this
was a crazy idea but you.
Enter #171 at VocationMatch.com
single, attractive male friends who
look like Liam Hemsworth. (Hey, a
girl should hedge her bets!)
Step 4: Try the “towel veil” trick.
Wrap a towel or shirt of the appropriate color around your head. Reassure
yourself that you look just like Ingrid
Bergman in The Bells of St. Mary’s. If
God is calling you to religious life,
then you will look like Ingrid Berg-
man in a veil. Trust in him.
Step 5: Decide whether you want
to be an oddball in the world (
apostolic) or an oddball in a monastery
(cloistered). If you are not already an
oddball, and definitely do not want
to become one, then you probably
should not become a nun.